Sorry, took longer to get back to this than I planned. Semifinal two is looking better than number one (unless I’m just getting inured to it all), although there is still a lot of rubbish. Of course, wouldn’t be Eurovision without it…

Serbia and Estonia are doing it for me, especially Estonia: and not just because she’s gorgeous. I can see Serbia and The Netherlands getting the biggest laughs of the night: Serbia because it is genuinely humorous, and the other because it is so clichéd it has to be a parody. Except that, as far as I can see, it’s not…

I’ll come back with the big four in the next day or so.

Croatia: Igor Cukrov featuring Andrea – Liepa Tena: Sounds like the romantic theme of some B-grade spy thriller. Ballady, with nice eastern-European feel, but nothing special.

Ireland: Sinéad Mulvey & Black Daisy – Et Cetera: Come back Dustin the Turkey, all is forgiven! Avril Lavine wannabe.

Latvia: Intars Busulis – Probka: Contemporary rock feel, but somewhat Beatlesesque.

Serbia: Marko Kon & Milaan – Cipela: At last! A song that is simply ridiculous: some sort of Serbian folk-song sung by a guy with a seriously baritone voice, and an afro you could see from the moon. Good natured and fun.

Poland: Lidia Kopania – I Don’t Wanna Leave: Clichéd female vocal ballad, but it worked for Serbia two years ago. Sung in English.

Norway: Alexander Rybak – Fairytale: Why are they playing Zorba the Greek? This is cool: half-gypsy dance, half-Cossack folk-song. But it’s supposed to be Norway, FFS!

Cyprus: Christina Metaxa – Firefly: Female-fronted soft-rock band. A bit Missy Higgins, actually. If I wanted to listen to this stuff, I’d tune into Triple M.

Slovakia: Kamil Mikulčík & Nela Pocisková – Leť Tmou: Intense and serious, portentous ‘cello, tortured lyrics (I assume: they’re singing in Slovakian). Classic Eurovision.

Denmark: Brinck – Believe Again: OK, they might be all holding guitars, but this is so a boy-band. Either that or Bryan Adams has moved to Denmark…

Slovenia: Quartissimo featuring Martina – Love Symphony: Does anyone remember “Hooked on Classics”?

Hungary: Zoli Ádok – Dance With Me: Early ‘90s Eurodance with a touch of disco, modulated through acid-house bass.

Azerbaijan: AySel & Arash – Always: Europop with clichéd traditional folk feel. Classic Eurovision.

Greece: Sakis Rouvas – This Is Our Night: Forgettable pop: ticks all the boxes, except for the one marked “good”.

Lithuania: Sasha Son – Love: Umm, sorry… I think there was piano, and… I’ve forgotten the rest.

Moldova: Nelly Ciobanu – Hora Din Moldova: Folky, dancy, happy, melodic in a kind of ‘60s way. Yeah, this is OK.

Albania: Kejsi Tola – Carry Me In Your Dreams: Europop meets James Bond theme, and they go together to an ‘80s disco where they meet a guy playing bagpipes or something.

Ukraine: Svetlana Loboda – Be My Valentine! Percussion-heavy dance number that wouldn’t be out of place in any night-club. Nothing that says “Ukraine” though…

Estonia: Urban Symphony – Rändajad: Bright, interesting harmonies, traditional feel in a contemporary idiom. Ukraine, were you paying attention?

The Netherlands: The Toppers – Shine: Boy band! What more is there to say? Except: four key changes at the end! Do they want us to get pissed?